In November 1865, I began training as a tactical combat specialist of the Lime Dojo; a hitherto secret organization dedicated to protecting humanity, and I am a Lime Ninja. Why limes? Limes are awesome. Lime Ninjas eat limes to regain our awesome.

My duty was to seek predetermined targets and eliminate them with as much blood and suffering as possible. My activities might not have been entirely wholesome, but damn it, I loved the work. I have been working for this organization for almost my entire life. Sometimes as an assassin, other times as leader of a team, but at all times an expert. So, for over one-hundred years, I have been tirelessly battling creatures of unthinkable horror.

I have lived this long because longevity is a secret ninja technique, which, considering the results, took only a day to learn... I still look like a lad of twenty-five. And no, I will not tell you how to do it. I don't want to live in a world where everyone is a thousand-year-old wise-guy, hopping around, reminiscing about the "good old days" from a thousand mother-fucking years ago.

I do not intend to say, however, that killing is right. As I will explain later, I kill only evil beings, and it's for the good for all of us. Believe me. I'm a mother-fucking ninja.